AVERSION TO SEX DISORDER
“I love my husband but I hate having sex!”
SITUATION: Shubha*, a senior IT professional, was facing trouble in her marriage. Married to Kamlesh* for over 3 years, she made every effort to keep him happy. But despite loving him a lot, she resisted any intimacy or sex with her husband. This left him dissatisfied and often resulted in fights. It was after one such fight that she approached me for counselling.
Sitting in my office that day, Shubha seemed awkward. She fidgeted in her seat and appeared less than confident. Her clothes, though formal work wear, seemed ill-fitting and a dress size too small. Her eyes moistened as she confided in me, “Kamlesh has threatened to leave me. He says I don’t cooperate with him in bed and this leaves him dissatisfied. I love my husband a lot and don’t want this marriage to break. What is wrong with me? Please help.”
I could see that something deep within her subconscious was lowering her self-confidence and prevented Shubha from enjoying sex with her husband. This seemed like a case of sexual aversion or aversion to sex. I asked her whether she had consulted a sexologist to find out if there was some medical problem in her or her husband. She told me that she had consulted many doctors but pathologically there was no problem. Thinking, perhaps hypnotherapy would provide an answer. I advised her to try Hypnotherapy as a treatment and clarified how it works without the use of any drugs or medicines. She agreed.
TREATMENT: In the 1st session, I induced Hypnosis in Shubha by deep breathing and breath watching. Then Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) was done to deepen the trance and to relax and calm her. She was taught to do the same herself which she quickly learnt for self-relaxation.
DEEP-ROOTED CAUSE REVEALED: Over the next 2-3 sessions of Hypnotherapy, she was guided back in time to incidents in her past that had affected her deeply, using Age-Regression for exploration of the Subconscious. She recalled an incident in college when her then-boyfriend had slapped her in public over some trivial issue. On gentle prompting, Shubha revealed how that made her feel. “I feel humiliated and intimidated.”
She also recalled another incident when she was 8, how she was called fat by her classmates and made to feel ugly. She felt inadequate and humiliated by this body shaming in public.
SOLUTION: While under the state of hypnosis, I suggested to Shubha that she should forgive her ex-boyfriend for slapping her. Notably, it was equally important that she forgive herself for choosing such a boyfriend. She was also advised to forgive her classmates from Grade 3 for making fun of her saying that children and some immature people sometimes do and say things unknowingly without realising how it would affect others. She was given a way to signal her acceptance of this suggestion by signalling “Yes” with any of her fingers, while under the state of hypnosis. This gave her a feeling of being in control of the situation and she signalled her consent to forgive by raising index finger.
RESULT: On coming out of hypnosis, Shubha felt greatly relieved, “as if a great burden has been lifted from my shoulders!”. Over time, she regained her self-confidence over her looks and body image and no longer avoided sex and intimacy with her husband. She also did well at work.
HOW HYPNOTHERAPY WORKS: While it is difficult to genuinely forgive someone when fully conscious, under a hypnotic state the subconscious mind takes over and is more receptive to suggestions for new ways of perception and behaviour. Over a few sessions, cognitive restructuring takes place and it becomes possible to forgive past slights and form new positive associations and memories. Hypnotherapy can really help cases of sexual aversion.
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